5 Reasons My Dog Is The Best In The World
Everyone who owns a dog believes unequivocally that theirs is the best. I’m sorry to tell you, however, that every single one of you is wrong–because, in fact, my dog has already earned the prestigious title: Best dog in the world.
“But, what,” you are asking, “Makes your dog the best?” My dog does things other dogs just can’t do. Things you can’t imagine. Like:
1. Without Arms, My Dog Gives The Best Hugs
I don’t usually deserve kisses. Most of the time I come home from a long day of work, too exhausted to take the long walk my dog deserves, and too weary to throw the ball more than a few times. Sometimes I’m grumpy, and instead of spending my evening doing inspiring things like exercise, volunteer work, or art, I just lay on the couch. Despite all that, my dog will climb up on the couch beside me, push her way onto my lap, put her front paws on my chest, and give me kisses. I certainly didn’t earn them. But somehow my dog loves me anyways.
Even in the morning, when my eyes are crusty and my breath is smelly, my dog senses the moment I awake. She uncurls herself from around my feet and ambles up to my pillow, where she sits on my head and gives me “Wake up! Time for work!” kisses.
And when I’m sad, somehow she knows. She crawls on my lap, leans against me as hard as she can, and gives the warmest, fuzziest hug. She knows exactly how to hug.
Only the best dogs show such boundless love and loyalty.
2. My Dog Puts Up With My Annoying Habits
My dog has the cutest little black dot of fur on her muzzle, right beside her nose (only the best dogs have adorable markings). I like to kiss her on that dot. She absolutely detests it when I do this. I coo at her like a baby, smoosh up her little fuzzy face, and plant a wet one right on her dot. Poor puppy.
But does she growl at me? Bite me? No. She doesn’t even fight me. She just sighs in a resigned sort of way and lets me do it. She makes that same sigh when I snuggle her too close, pet her too rough, or make kissy faces at her. But she lets me do it because she knows humans show love by being really over-the-top affectionate.
To be fair, sometimes she forces her sloppy kisses on me, too. It’s a trade-off.
Only the best dogs understand compromise.
3. My Dog Literally Follows Me Everywhere, Even When I’m Boring
Sometimes I have to use the toilet. My dog does not respect my privacy in this matter. I’m doing nothing remotely entertaining or fun, but she just lays right down at my feet like she’s guarding me. I’m glad I have a dog to keep me safe while I relieve myself.
I think my dog must sometimes think I’m the most boring person in the world. I lay on a couch and stare at a screen for hours, not romping or chasing squeaky toys. But she still lays at my feet. Even as I write this article right now, when I’d rather be playing a video game or something cool, my dog is making the work easier just by curling up beside me on the couch. Only the best dogs stay by your side. I’m sure you other dog owners don’t know what it’s like to have such a loyal friend.
4. My Dog Makes Totally Derpy Faces For My Amusement
Certainly, all dogs wag their tails when they’re excited. But my dog does this tapper-toe, gooey-eyed, full body wiggle that starts in her butt and squiggles all the way up to her little panting tongue. And she gets excited about absolutely nothing. She makes crazed faces, jaws wide open, tongue hanging out sideways. All I have do is whisper intensely, “What is it? Go get it!” and she’ll totally freak out.
Sometimes I’m just laying on the couch, eyes glassing over as I watch a show, and my dog will suddenly appear, dance around in front of me, and bark. She looks so hopeful, like something magically amazing is about to happen. If I ignore her excitement, she’ll up the ante by bringing a squeaky toy. This odd, unexplained energy and joy is pretty contagious. Seriously, only the best dogs share endless energy and happiness with their human companions.
5. My Dog Makes Happy Dog Noises
Sometimes, when I say the word “Car,” Outside,” or “Food,” my dog starts making happy dog noises. She’ll whimper excitedly in this strange, alien siren-wail. Sometimes, if I pat her tummy and she’s particularly content, she’ll make grunts and groans. Sometimes, she’ll just walk up to me and emit an odd series of growls and gurgles that I can only interpret as, “I demand play/cuddles/food/a walk.”
Only the best dogs talk to you.
I Have The Best Dog — Are You Jealous?
I hope not. Because I suspect you have the best dog, too. Celebrate! Share this post if your dog is the best!